I'm not a philosopher, a scholar, or an intellectual. This blog is only useful insofar as it is instructive to observe the details of a regular person trying to think through vitally important issues. I've often wished I could find a blog like that: not a great big genius lecturing about things but someone trying to figure out the same things I'm trying to figure out. If you're trying to figure out race realism, the far right, traditionalism, monarchism, orthodox Christianity, and any topics related to these, perhaps this blog will be of help to you.
I'm vowing here and now to be completely honest. Brutally so. I don't have anything to hide. Every embarrassing belief I've ever held will be laid bare for examination. It will keep me humble, and who doesn't need that.
Like many on the far right I arrived here after walking a long path from a sort of default public-school leftism. If you go to public school in a major American city, and you don't have a strong right-wing counterinfluence in the home, you will graduate a default leftist.
Becoming pro-life very suddenly (and against my will) in my late 20s was the fulcrum, the point at which I pivoted out of leftism. The feeling of being wrong about something, of discovering that I wasn't merely thinking about something wrong but that I held a belief without ever thinking about it at all -- discovering that was exhilarating. It was also terrifying. Humbling. It led to a somewhat traumatic identity crisis, but I also wanted more of it. I couldn't help but examine all my beliefs to see if I was wrong about them, and lo and behold I was.
A year later I wasn't an agnostic anymore, but a Roman Catholic. And a few years after that Obamacare happened and I watched it go down and then I couldn't be a Democrat anymore. And then I started flirting with the idea of being a conservative. It had always been a dirty word to me, synonymous with mean white men and dumb housewives and country music singers and just everything distasteful. Flirting with it was scary but fun. I read Ann Coulter first. I forget why. Maybe because, having read not a single word she'd ever written, I loathed her completely when I was a leftist. I'm glad I picked her to begin with. because she was funny and logical and unapologetic and mean. I loved her style. She hooked me in. Eventually I familiarized myself with the typical neo-con talking points and read a lot of their books: Shapiro, D'Souza, Ponnuru, Limbaugh. Some of them were too cheesy Boomer-clueless for me (Hannity, Ingraham, Levin). Some of those early encounters I still think have kernels of truth in them. I'm thinking in particular of David Mamet's quite astonishing book The Secret Knowledge: On the Dismantling of American Culture.
So I was a neocon for a while. I still called myself a feminist, but I considered myself a dissident feminist who was going to save feminism from itself, make it virtuous and moral. It's laughable now, but to be fair this was in 2010 and it sounds funny but that was a lifetime ago when it comes to the dominant culture in this country. My friend and I actually filmed a comedy sketch on YouTube in which we wore blackface (really well I might add; we looked and sounded black; the makeup took 3 hours to apply) and I shared it on Facebook in 2008 and people laughed. No one reported me. I didn't get banned from anything. It only got shared by a few people who thought it was funny. Granted, I was not yet a fairly well-known activist, but it truly was a different time.
Like many people do, I moved on to libertarianism and then to anarchism and there I dwelt for some time. Maybe a couple years? I read the Austrian economists and watched a lot of Stefan Molyneux videos from back when he was still a hard core anarchist. He has since changed his tune on a lot of things. ("There are no libertarians in foxholes." -- Milo) I consumed more than my fair share of Reason and Taki Mag articles. I had a lot of quibbles with libertarianism and anarchism and in time they grew too big to ignore. The main one was immigration. At my state libertarian convention (sooo many speeches about pot) there was a speaker who posited that immigration was actually a net positive for the country by any metric -- "It's a free market in labor!" -- and I stood up to challenge her. She promised to send me some references but of course she didn't.
Over time I read too much Chesterton and began exploring the concept of monarchy. This was also exhilarating to contemplate because I'm an American and we are indoctrinated to believe monarchy is synonymous with tyranny. Exploring monarchy led me inevitably to the Dark Enlightenment, Mencius Moldbug, Nick Land, and other neoreactionary thinkers. According to an infographic I've seen, most people touch down at the radical right before they move to traditionalism as their final destination but for me it was sort of the opposite. I do think the alt-right, or perhaps to be more specific race realism, goes hand in hand with traditionalism and neoreaction. I have much more to say on this topic but that's good enough for now.
Over time I have changed my mind about a good number of things but it wasn't so much flip-flopping as just continuing to learn. My trajectory has always been further right, because I have always been after the truth. There's a theory of personality called the Enneagram and like most personality theories it's most likely bollocks but according to my test results my type is called "The Truth Teller," and when I read that descriptor it felt alarmingly accurate. I say things that are true, or that I believe are true, and it has gotten me into serious trouble. I mean, it's why I'm here blogging anonymously at no one, gone from social media and contemplating moving to another state and changing my name so my kids can have a normal life. I don't know how to not say things that are true. Sometimes it hurts my personal relationships as well. I can be too blunt, too harsh, too critical.
So that is the one thing I can promise anyone who reads this: I won't lie. I won't make shit up. And because of that I'll routinely look like a fool and remain humble.
Showing posts with label ann coulter. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ann coulter. Show all posts
Wednesday, October 31, 2018
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
Alt-Light, Proud Boys, & the Truth
The Proud Boys have been banned from Facebook. Last time I checked, they were tripping over themselves to condemn white nationalism and identitarian politics whenever they got the chance, but they have a habit of beating the shit out of leftists in real life, so I guess that's made them plenty of enemies.
I'm grateful to the alt-light for leading me to the identitarian movement. But in my opinion, despite my affection for figures like Gavin McInnes and Milo, their function as a gateway drug to white identitarianism is the extent of their usefulness. By usefulness, I don’t mean to imply it’s all they’re good for. They do a lot of good in the sense of drawing people’s attention to the decline of society, the migrant crisis in Europe, and more. But I don’t think just drawing attention is particularly useful because they don’t seem to have an answer to how to stop this. Of course identifying as Europeans and moving to secure our nations is the answer, but this is anathema to them.
It’s important here, I think, to point out that contrary to what was written about me in HuffPo, I was not converted to the far right by Trump. I was converted by the hysterical reaction to Trump on behalf of the left.
I actually sat out the 2016 election, for a host of complicated reasons. I was going through a libertarian phase, and the prolife group of which I had been vice president for several years was moving further left. I felt powerless to stop it -- that's a whole other blog post -- and I was steeped in a faction of the pro-life movement that seemed more concerned with leftist pursuits like smashing the patriarchy and creating "racial justice" -- whatever that is -- than actually ending abortion.
Personally, I was beginning my fourth year of infertility. In case you don't know, that's a dark place. I didn't have the mental or emotional energy to do what I really needed to do, which was thoroughly examine the causes I was espousing to make sure they aligned with my principles. There's no excuse, though. I should have faced my doubt and confusion and reached these conclusions then. Instead, faced with an election cycle that I knew was going to force me into a crisis, I tucked tail and fled. I knew I would have to examine why I still called myself a feminist and a libertarian when I was disgusted by almost every feminist and libertarian I talked to. So I retreated, leaving my cognitive dissonance where it was.
This was a big deal, because I was (and am) a culture junkie. I read and wrote about politics and cultural and social issues constantly. Leaving the Internet was no small thing.
I am not proud of the decision to sit out the election cycle, but I can't bring myself to regret it because it gave me the unique opportunity to see SJWs in a stark and revealing light. Here's what happened: the morning after the election I woke up from a literal nightmare about President Hillary. I had fallen asleep on the couch, and I felt disoriented and depressed because I absolutely knew in my heart of hearts that Hillary had won. It was still dark out, but I couldn't go back to sleep. So I sighed, grabbed my Kindle, and went to the bathroom. There I am peeing in the dark, breaking a months-long digital fast to find out who the president is. I took a deep breath and wondered which website to visit. It had been so long that I didn't even remember where to get news. Drudge popped into my head, so I typed in Drudge Report.
And suddenly there it was: hope, backlit on my screen.
Trump was president.
Relief.
I ran upstairs and my husband was sitting up in bed holding his phone. We just looked at each other and smiled.
I got on YouTube, and that's when I realized what Trump and his voters had been up against. The reaction to his election was pure lunacy. Imagine you literally hadn't been online at all for 7 or 8 months, and then all the sudden you logged on the day after the election. I started trying to figure out what was so horrible about Trump, so I started with the "pussy grabbing" audio. It was utterly underwhelming. After a while I gave up trying to understand what all these morons were whining about and just watched Stefan Molyneux's videos where he debunked very charge brought against Trump.
Basically I realized very quickly that in my digital absence, half the country had gone completely batshit.
Right away, I dove back in to consuming massive amounts of cultural and political commentary. I caught up on months of Milo, Ann Coulter, Ben Shapiro, Gavin McInnes, Lauren Southern, and good ol' Stefan. I discovered the YouTube skeptics community, users like Bearing, Blaire White, computing4ever, and more. For a year or so I was having a great time, despite Shapiro's annoying anti-Trumpism, Milo's annoying narcissism, Gavin's annoying horniness, and Ann's annoying... actually nothing. She's perfect.
But it got old. How many "rekt feminist" videos can you watch? How many anti-Islam anti-SJW anti-neo-con videos can you watch? How many libertarian talking points can you hear?
Eventually I started to wonder what these people were doing besides bitching. I noticed that many of them would make super edgy statements -- direct quote from Gavin: "Mexico sucks because of Mexicans." -- only to then trip over each other condemning identitarian politics. For a while I was buying the civic nationalist thing, but then I accidentally watched a video by a user called Way of the World. I don't remember any details about the video, only that it went to the next level. Way of the World didn't condemn identitarianism; on the contrary, he made a brief but potent case that it was the only way Europe and her colonies would survive.
You know the truth when you hear it. There is something in the human heart that is pulled toward it, and responds.
I live in a place that has become more and more Hispanic during my lifetime, to the point that I don't recognize the city where I grew up. The neighborhoods where I spent my childhood look like another country, and the neighborhoods I can afford to live in look and feel like the Third World.
By the time I discovered the videos of Millennial Woes, I had already been booted from the afore-mentioned prolife group for writing about my experience living on a block that was about 95% illegal immigrant. Steve Sailer said political correctness is a war on noticing. I was not allowed to describe the situation in which I spent my life, the litter on my front lawn, the Tejano music pounding through my walls, the language spoken on my street. I was condemned by women who live in majority white neighborhoods, called a racist and accused of hating children and poor people. (Meanwhile, I was poor people.)
Woes' videos walked me out past the point where I could touch the bottom of the pool. I held on and didn't panic and started swimming. I am no longer scared of words like nationalist, identitarian, and that scariest word of all: white.
I tentatively began watching American Renaissance videos. I started watching and reading the work of Jared Taylor, John Derbyshire, Vox Day, Richard Spencer, RamZPaul, Jim Goad, and many more. Occasionally I would (and do) vehemently disagree with these people on certain issues -- abortion and religion most of all -- but their overarching theses had the clear, pure ring of truth. The West is in decline. Europe is being invaded. The native people of Europe are being systematically destroyed. The America founded and built by our ancestors, if we do not take immediate and drastic action, is doomed.
The problem with the alt-light is in order to save their own asses and preserve their fame and their income streams, they repeatedly condemn those further to their right. Now, there are plenty of people on the far right that are totally condemnable, and I have no problem if someone wants to name names and call out undesirables who have made the term "alt-right" synonymous -- to some people -- with embarrassing Nazi LARPers and psychopaths who call for the mass extermination of entire peoples. If you sincerely and literally believe in rounding up and gassing all the Jews, you are the reason why we can't have nice things.
What I do have a problem with is the blanket condemnation of identitarianism, because identitarianism is literally the only hope white people have left. It does not require any hatefulness whatsoever to want your race to continue to exist upon the earth, and there is nothing remotely ugly or wrong about it.
In a sense I understand why they do it. Look what happened to Faith Goldy. Hell, look what happened to me and I was not even remotely famous. I understand they are big names with a lot to lose. But is this about them and their YouTube channel and their fame and their money or is this about the future of the West?
When I was active in the prolife movement, I used to observe the big name activists, the "prolife leaders" who were "prolife famous" and ran big non-profits and went on Fox News all the time, and I would wonder if part of them would be a little disappointed if abortion ended. They'd have to stop being famous activists and go get real jobs.
A dying Europe and America full of foreigners and feminists and trannies is eternal fodder for videos. so what does it matter to the alt-light if the white race dies, as long as their channels stay monetized?
Look, I know some of them have incurred personal risk and suffered loss and gone out on a limb in certain ways. But until they admit what I suspect they secretly know in their heart of hearts -- that identitarianism is the only hope of the Western world -- I will have no choice but to doubt their motives, their usefulness, and their commitment to the truth.
I'm grateful to the alt-light for leading me to the identitarian movement. But in my opinion, despite my affection for figures like Gavin McInnes and Milo, their function as a gateway drug to white identitarianism is the extent of their usefulness. By usefulness, I don’t mean to imply it’s all they’re good for. They do a lot of good in the sense of drawing people’s attention to the decline of society, the migrant crisis in Europe, and more. But I don’t think just drawing attention is particularly useful because they don’t seem to have an answer to how to stop this. Of course identifying as Europeans and moving to secure our nations is the answer, but this is anathema to them.
It’s important here, I think, to point out that contrary to what was written about me in HuffPo, I was not converted to the far right by Trump. I was converted by the hysterical reaction to Trump on behalf of the left.
I actually sat out the 2016 election, for a host of complicated reasons. I was going through a libertarian phase, and the prolife group of which I had been vice president for several years was moving further left. I felt powerless to stop it -- that's a whole other blog post -- and I was steeped in a faction of the pro-life movement that seemed more concerned with leftist pursuits like smashing the patriarchy and creating "racial justice" -- whatever that is -- than actually ending abortion.
Personally, I was beginning my fourth year of infertility. In case you don't know, that's a dark place. I didn't have the mental or emotional energy to do what I really needed to do, which was thoroughly examine the causes I was espousing to make sure they aligned with my principles. There's no excuse, though. I should have faced my doubt and confusion and reached these conclusions then. Instead, faced with an election cycle that I knew was going to force me into a crisis, I tucked tail and fled. I knew I would have to examine why I still called myself a feminist and a libertarian when I was disgusted by almost every feminist and libertarian I talked to. So I retreated, leaving my cognitive dissonance where it was.
This was a big deal, because I was (and am) a culture junkie. I read and wrote about politics and cultural and social issues constantly. Leaving the Internet was no small thing.
I am not proud of the decision to sit out the election cycle, but I can't bring myself to regret it because it gave me the unique opportunity to see SJWs in a stark and revealing light. Here's what happened: the morning after the election I woke up from a literal nightmare about President Hillary. I had fallen asleep on the couch, and I felt disoriented and depressed because I absolutely knew in my heart of hearts that Hillary had won. It was still dark out, but I couldn't go back to sleep. So I sighed, grabbed my Kindle, and went to the bathroom. There I am peeing in the dark, breaking a months-long digital fast to find out who the president is. I took a deep breath and wondered which website to visit. It had been so long that I didn't even remember where to get news. Drudge popped into my head, so I typed in Drudge Report.
And suddenly there it was: hope, backlit on my screen.
Trump was president.
Relief.
I ran upstairs and my husband was sitting up in bed holding his phone. We just looked at each other and smiled.
I got on YouTube, and that's when I realized what Trump and his voters had been up against. The reaction to his election was pure lunacy. Imagine you literally hadn't been online at all for 7 or 8 months, and then all the sudden you logged on the day after the election. I started trying to figure out what was so horrible about Trump, so I started with the "pussy grabbing" audio. It was utterly underwhelming. After a while I gave up trying to understand what all these morons were whining about and just watched Stefan Molyneux's videos where he debunked very charge brought against Trump.
Basically I realized very quickly that in my digital absence, half the country had gone completely batshit.
Right away, I dove back in to consuming massive amounts of cultural and political commentary. I caught up on months of Milo, Ann Coulter, Ben Shapiro, Gavin McInnes, Lauren Southern, and good ol' Stefan. I discovered the YouTube skeptics community, users like Bearing, Blaire White, computing4ever, and more. For a year or so I was having a great time, despite Shapiro's annoying anti-Trumpism, Milo's annoying narcissism, Gavin's annoying horniness, and Ann's annoying... actually nothing. She's perfect.
But it got old. How many "rekt feminist" videos can you watch? How many anti-Islam anti-SJW anti-neo-con videos can you watch? How many libertarian talking points can you hear?
Eventually I started to wonder what these people were doing besides bitching. I noticed that many of them would make super edgy statements -- direct quote from Gavin: "Mexico sucks because of Mexicans." -- only to then trip over each other condemning identitarian politics. For a while I was buying the civic nationalist thing, but then I accidentally watched a video by a user called Way of the World. I don't remember any details about the video, only that it went to the next level. Way of the World didn't condemn identitarianism; on the contrary, he made a brief but potent case that it was the only way Europe and her colonies would survive.
You know the truth when you hear it. There is something in the human heart that is pulled toward it, and responds.
I live in a place that has become more and more Hispanic during my lifetime, to the point that I don't recognize the city where I grew up. The neighborhoods where I spent my childhood look like another country, and the neighborhoods I can afford to live in look and feel like the Third World.
By the time I discovered the videos of Millennial Woes, I had already been booted from the afore-mentioned prolife group for writing about my experience living on a block that was about 95% illegal immigrant. Steve Sailer said political correctness is a war on noticing. I was not allowed to describe the situation in which I spent my life, the litter on my front lawn, the Tejano music pounding through my walls, the language spoken on my street. I was condemned by women who live in majority white neighborhoods, called a racist and accused of hating children and poor people. (Meanwhile, I was poor people.)
Woes' videos walked me out past the point where I could touch the bottom of the pool. I held on and didn't panic and started swimming. I am no longer scared of words like nationalist, identitarian, and that scariest word of all: white.
I tentatively began watching American Renaissance videos. I started watching and reading the work of Jared Taylor, John Derbyshire, Vox Day, Richard Spencer, RamZPaul, Jim Goad, and many more. Occasionally I would (and do) vehemently disagree with these people on certain issues -- abortion and religion most of all -- but their overarching theses had the clear, pure ring of truth. The West is in decline. Europe is being invaded. The native people of Europe are being systematically destroyed. The America founded and built by our ancestors, if we do not take immediate and drastic action, is doomed.
The problem with the alt-light is in order to save their own asses and preserve their fame and their income streams, they repeatedly condemn those further to their right. Now, there are plenty of people on the far right that are totally condemnable, and I have no problem if someone wants to name names and call out undesirables who have made the term "alt-right" synonymous -- to some people -- with embarrassing Nazi LARPers and psychopaths who call for the mass extermination of entire peoples. If you sincerely and literally believe in rounding up and gassing all the Jews, you are the reason why we can't have nice things.
What I do have a problem with is the blanket condemnation of identitarianism, because identitarianism is literally the only hope white people have left. It does not require any hatefulness whatsoever to want your race to continue to exist upon the earth, and there is nothing remotely ugly or wrong about it.
In a sense I understand why they do it. Look what happened to Faith Goldy. Hell, look what happened to me and I was not even remotely famous. I understand they are big names with a lot to lose. But is this about them and their YouTube channel and their fame and their money or is this about the future of the West?
When I was active in the prolife movement, I used to observe the big name activists, the "prolife leaders" who were "prolife famous" and ran big non-profits and went on Fox News all the time, and I would wonder if part of them would be a little disappointed if abortion ended. They'd have to stop being famous activists and go get real jobs.
A dying Europe and America full of foreigners and feminists and trannies is eternal fodder for videos. so what does it matter to the alt-light if the white race dies, as long as their channels stay monetized?
Look, I know some of them have incurred personal risk and suffered loss and gone out on a limb in certain ways. But until they admit what I suspect they secretly know in their heart of hearts -- that identitarianism is the only hope of the Western world -- I will have no choice but to doubt their motives, their usefulness, and their commitment to the truth.
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