Civic Nationalism Is Dying a Slow Painful Ugly Death

I'm back on Twitter and it's just embarrassing.

It's as if American "liberals" and "conservatives" are in a contest to see who can be more egalitarian and globalist -- in other words, more leftist -- and the conservatives are just determined to pull ahead. 

Candace Owens (the less said about her the better) has not mentioned the abject failure of #BLEXIT in her Twitter feed despite multiple tweets @ her showing that bar graph everyone has seen by now that breaks down votes per party by gender and race. Of course 90% of blacks voted Democrat. Of course in many races where the candidate was black they voted Democrat at 95% and up. Blacks and Hispanics vote by tribal affiliation. Whites are the only people who don't, at least not to that extent. If we were smart we would, but cold weather made us evolve big smart brains and come up with ideas like individualism and egalitarianism and now we can't help but fuck ourselves over. 

There is absolutely nothing we can do that is going to make black and Hispanic voters go to the polls and vote for ideas. It is simply not going to happen. And we can't win them over by being nice. This country cannot possibly give them anything more than we already have. The pandering is utterly futile and honest blacks just roll their eyes at #BLEXIT. 

I saw a Gavin McInnes video where he's talking to Alex Jones about what a huge awesome deal Blexit is, and he says something like, "Oh there were HUNDREDS of black people gathered there. It was huge!" Hundreds. I got embarrassed for him watching that video. I get embarrassed every time he talks about race because it's like he's forcing himself to be naive. He repeats the same tired talking points over and over -- I'm a libertarian so I don't have to think about race! I believe in a meritocracy -- and it reminds me of Stephen Colbert back when he was playing a cringey boomer on The Colbert Report saying, "I can't see race. I'm color blind." 

Deep down, I think the alt-lighters like Gavin and even some of the Boomers like James Woods see what's actually happening -- how could they not? bar graphs are super easy to read -- but they just can't let themselves swim out past where their feet can touch. It's too scary to dive into the deep end, and I get why. It's disconcerting and faintly awful to be called out as a racist. 

At first. Then you sort of get used to it. Then you sort of don't care. And then you decide that it's just a word, and it's a word that has purposely been imbued with power. All your life you've been conditioned to believe that word contains all the evil in the universe. And then you ask yourself why that is.

I would like things to be other than they are. I would enjoy joining hands with people of all colors and frolicking upon a hillside in the morning dew. But reality is reality, facts are facts, and there will never be a #BLEXIT from the Democrat party. The longer we wait to accept this, the closer we get to being a minority in the countries our forefathers built and died for.

In 10 years or so nationalism will be an extremely mainstream position for white people in America, and by then it will probably be late to affect any change democratically. Maybe not in 2020, but pretty damn soon, we will be unable to elect a Republican president because there won't be enough white people to vote Republican. Then we'll have to pull a #WHEXIT, and white people interested in taking the country back will have to split from the GOP and form a white identitarian party. By then the Deep South will be South Africa and the Southwest will be Mexico and white people will be cowering in Montana, Idaho, Utah, Kentucky, etc., stroking their AR-15s and wishing they had listened to those creepy "Nazis" instead of Laura Ingraham.

On the Role of Women

My husband and I have been discussing where we intend to move, because the American south, from which we both hail, is right out. There are pockets of peace here and there, but in 25 years the Deep South will be South Africa and the Southwest will be Mexico.

We've been asking ourselves where we can go that our daughter will not have to flee by the time she is graduating college. I don't want her to have to do what we're doing: leave behind the place where she grew up, the family she loves, the life she thought she'd have. It disgusts me leaving my mother in particular, but I have to do what's right for my child. This decision -- to leave our homes -- is a tragic one and it breaks our hearts. It is one tiny example of the suffering caused by opening our country's borders to the third world.

When I waver in our decision to leave here, all I have to do is go down the street to the grocery store. In the suburb we live in, we are already a minority. If you look up this city's demographics, non-Hispanic whites (this phrase makes me cock my head to the side in wonderment like a spaniel) are 41% of the population. Blacks are 20% and the rest are Hispanic.

When I drive down the street to the grocery store I see ugliness, decay, squalor. When I walk around the grocery store I see unwelcome strangers.

So many of the people around me -- including members of my own family -- live with their heads in the sand. If you point out how the area has changed, they get nervous. I'm venturing dangerously close to that unsavory racist talk that got me doxxed and forced them to have embarrassing conversations with friends about why their relative was in the news for being a Nazi. A few of them get it, though. My mom told me today, "I'm angry all the time and I can't figure out why." I told her, "Maybe it's because you're surrounded by people who aren't your people, and nobody asked you if that would be okay."

My dad totally gets it. When I was a kid I thought he was a terrible racist. Of course now I know he was just ahead of his time.

As we contemplate this move, and as I dread leaving my mother, I think about the mistakes she made and what I intend to do differently. She made the horrific mistake of leaving and divorcing my father. She was very young at the time, about 22, and he was 24. Their problems could likely have been overcome, and I think she grew to understand this and regret her decision as she got older.

My husband and I are much, much older than they were, and our problems are graver, but divorce is not and never will be an option for us. He's been divorced twice, and I've been victimized by my mother's divorces multiple times. It is not a punishment I would ever inflict on my child.

Because my mother made the dreadful mistake of becoming a single mom, she put herself in a position to be a material mother -- that is, a mother who only has the time, energy, and money to see to her children's material needs, and is utterly unequipped and unable to see to their spiritual and often emotional needs. My mom was and is very loving, very well-meaning, with all four of her kids. But we never received any guidance from her. I didn't learn how to, for example, prepare for college, break up with someone, balance a checkbook, cope with loss, understand sex, think about religion, check my credit score. I had Hot Pockets to eat, a ride to school, clothes when I needed them, a TV to watch.

I want to give my daughter what I missed: a worldview. A framework to think about what she sees every day. I believe that is the role of women: to train up our children in the way they should go. Of course, I see nothing wrong with women entering the public sphere to, for example, get on YouTube and share their ideas about the movement. But I think most of what they may have to say that is useful will have to do with the domestic sphere. That is our humble but gigantic role: to raise strong, wise, capable children who understand something of how the world works. It is up to us to protect them from the abject lies they would be taught in American public schools, to introduce them to a faith community and make it a part of their lives, to join them to a tribe of like-minded people, to expose them to the natural world, to make sure they are healthy and vigorous, to teach them history and philosophy and art and literature and science. Children, the home, wifehood -- these are our domains, and they are great spiritual responsibilities that will and should occupy much of our minds and hearts, let alone our time.

I want my daughter's childhood to be beautiful and peaceful. I want her to grow up with people who are her people, with whom she feels familiar and safe.

We are looking at Appalachia. Due to the nature of my husband's work, our livelihood will not depend on the local economy. We can live anywhere. That area has an abundance of cheap, beautiful, wooded land. ("Buy land. They're not making it anymore." - Mark Twain) Much of it is a majority white area, and we like the idea of having, for a change, four seasons with a mild summer and snowy winter.

I don't know for sure where we will end up, but in the coming months we will be researching, and then visiting, a number of places to try to find something like the country our parents grew up in. Meanwhile I look at my baby girl and just pray.

Alt-Right: What the Hell Is It?

I'll do a blog post or perhaps a video on this soon, but I got doxxed back in April. Basically, I was posting some fairly edgy stuff on my Facebook page and on Twitter, but no one really cared because I was just some rando. Then a former associate of my mind decided to comb through my social media accounts and compile a curated a selection of my most "racist" tweets, posts, and comments, and post them to the public Facebook page of her (formerly our) non-profit organization, which has tens of thousands of followers. Her rationale was that she felt it was her duty to let everybody know I was now a Big Racist and disavow me in case anyone saw my stuff and thought I was still affiliated with her group.

Of course, no one had seen my stuff, and everyone knew I wasn't affiliated with the group for well over a year. But now the whole damn world was seeing my stuff, and after I was a headline on HuffPo, the Independent UK, and more, I was once again being mentioned in the same breath as her group. All the sudden, though I had left the prolife movement for many months, I was an "anti-abortion leader" again, simply because it was harmful to the prolife movement for me to be associated with it.

At first, I didn't really take the doxing seriously. I had blocked this woman long before, but people were sending me screen shots of her post and the SJW comments on it. I wasn't too concerned, found the whole thing absurd, and decided to just lean into it. So I posted on Facebook that I found myself sympathizing with the alt-right more and more, that I considered myself a "race realist," and that I didn't hate anyone or wish harm on anyone but that I felt every nation had a right to its identity and the preservation of its culture. Something along those lines.

What was the one word bloggers and journalists picked out of that paragraph? You guessed it: "alt-right."

If I had to go back and do it all over, that's the one word I'd change. I probably still would have been excoriated, but I was naive to use it. I had been reading tons of stuff and watching loads of videos and I was seeing the alt-right as an intellectual movement, but the average person reading that word just saw torches at Charlottesville, a woman getting killed by an angry "Nazi" and his car, Richard Spencer getting sucker punched on Inauguration Day, etc. 

I've since come to believe the term "alt-right" has been pretty well corrupted by outfits like The Right Stuff, Daily Shoah, and Daily Stormer. Many of these people are unironic Hitler-lovers who sincerely advocate for genocide, and I don't think I'm alone when I say I don't want to share a label with them. I am a Christian first and everything else second. I don't know what the answer is to the current crisis, either at home or abroad, but if it involves mass murder I'd rather go instinct. If the survival of the white race depends on throwing women and babies into a gas chamber, then I guess I will just have to hope there are no no-go zones in Heaven. Where any political movement or ideology departs from Christianity, there I depart from it. 

It seems that after Charlottesville there was a major splintering, and while some still use the term alt-right, many are now relying on far right, dissident right, radical right, ethnonationalist, or just nationalist. I would love to see more cohesion, but maybe it's impossible. As an outsider looking in, it seems like the movement got so visible so quickly that perhaps mistakes were made in strategy, optics, and leadership. 

That's enough armchair quarterbacking. I guess I just wanted to write down somewhere that when I called myself alt-right, I didn't mean to align myself with the Stormer types. This crisis will not have a peaceful end. I doubt the problem is going to fix itself, that we will all suddenly decide to sing Kumbaya and peacefully segregate, that the migrant hordes of Europe will come to their limited senses and queue for boats back to their shitholes, that the 40 million Mexicans in the US will suddenly miss getting diarrhea from tap water and haul ass for the Rio Grande. If anything is going to change, it will be the result of some kind of physical conflict, I'm afraid. There is no way around it. But acknowledging the inevitability of war and calling for violent ethnic cleansing are very different. Deportation is one thing, genocide is quite another, and I am not -- nor will I ever be -- on board with the latter.