Building Communities on the Right

The title of this blog is more a wish than anything. I simply don't know how to do this. How does one safely find like-minded people in real life? How does one determine whether there are like-minded people in an area before moving there? Again, safely.

These questions prey on my mind as my husband and I consider our upcoming move. We don't know where we'll go yet, but if you look at a map of the United States with virtually any significant statistics overlaid on it -- demographics, overall crime, sex offenders, pollution, household income -- it's impossible not to come to the conclusion that the northeast, the deep south, and California are dead as a doornail.

Before you protest that there are good spots in Northern California, nice rural areas in the South, and pockets of beauty and peace in the northeast -- I know. But I'm not thinking about the next five years. I'm thinking of the next 20. I don't want my children to have to flee their home like I'm doing, and like my husband did.

Consider this tweet, which stopped me in my tracks:

I don't want to flee this cess pool of a city for a "single generation escape pod." Unless and until something drastic happens, I'm afraid cities are not a good idea. So we want a rural area close enough to a city that we can get there fairly easily for health care, culture, shopping for special items, etc., but far enough away that we don't have to regularly confront the squalor and ugliness that goes hand in hand with urban living today -- or the shallow materialism and cookie-cutter soullessness of the suburbs.

So where to? We have some ideas. The nature of my husband's work means we fortunately aren't reliant on the local economy, so we can live literally anywhere that suits us. After crunching a lot of data (thanks, city-data.com, for doing much of the work for us!) we have narrowed it down to the following places:

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1. Kentucky. This is our front runner. On a list of all 50 states sorted by white population, Kentucky is number 12.  Most of the top 11 are either in New England -- out of the question considering the number and type of guns we own -- or out west where the cost of living is much higher thanks to Californians fleeing their shithole of a state and bringing with them all the terrible ideas that made them flee. Kentucky checks a lot of boxes: low cost of living, below the Mason-Dixon line, vast amounts of cheap, plentiful wooded land, and four seasons including a mild summer and snowy winter. While the eastern part of the state is severely economically depressed with the resulting crime and drug problems, the rest of the state is faring better.

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2. Tennessee. Just about everything true of Kentucky is true of Tennessee, except that it has a much higher minority population. Kentucky is 89% white, Tennessee only 79%. I knew a few like-minded folks who have made their homes in the northern part of the state, and apparently much of the minority population is centralized in the major cities. Spread is inevitable, though. It's a matter of when.

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3. Idaho. Specifically, northern Idaho. Idaho is the reddest state in the U.S, and Kootenai County is the reddest county in the reddest state. Northern Idaho is very near Canada, and the weather is not appreciably different from British Columbia. In other words, it's freaking cold. It's also beautiful, with tons of opportunities to get outdoors and interact with nature. This is a major plus for us. And it's lily white as the driven snow, the 5th whitest state in the country. But it's far -- a full day's drive from our families -- and it's expensive. The influx of Californians has driven real estate prices up. We wouldn't be able to afford near the house or land that we would in Kentucky or Tennessee.

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4. Montana. Similar to Idaho, but it does seem that especially the northeastern part of the state near Glacier Lake and Flathead Lake have issues with drugs, alcoholism, drunk driving, depression, and sucide. Kalispell gets fewer days of sunlight than Seattle! Some reviewers on bestplaces.net report living in isolation. We like privacy a lot, but we also want community. Not sure if Montana is the place for that.

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5. Louisiana. I know what you're thinking. If it weren't for D.C., Louisiana would be in the bottom 5. The abundance of cheap land, beautiful inexpensive houses, and proximity to our families is tempting. It has us wrestling with a bigger question: do we give up the South? Do we walk away from the land and culture for which our forefathers fought and even lay down their lives? It's tempting to say hell no and commit ourselves to arming up and prepping for the hard times.

Then I look at my daughter. Do I really want her to be a minority? I'll obviously have to home school her. But what about her social life? What about her safety? Even the rural parts of the state will be overrun before she grows up. Is it worth standing our ground if she does the lion's share of the suffering?

If you have suggestions, feel free to comment below.

Anti-White Racism is the Only Issue

This piece in American Thinker has been making the Twitter rounds, and when you read it you'll immediately understand why. It is profoundly edgy for a mainstream outfit, which backs up what I've been saying recently: in five years or so, nationalism will no longer be the unsavory fringe position. It will be the default position for right-of-center whites across the globe.

Mark Point writes:

By the 1990s the entire constellation of Christian morality and civic responsibility in the public space had been secularized and compressed into a singular mandate. Millennials were taught from childhood that the highest moral good was serving the self-esteem of non-whites. In prior ages virtues such as courage, modesty, chivalry, valor and faith were ways young adults were encouraged to distinguish themselves but for Millennials it was an adeptness and willingness to navigate the mercurial minefield of knowing when and how to serve the self-esteem of non-whites that mattered.

Spot on. I have the benefit -- if you can call it that -- of having been a college student fairly recently. I was a "non-traditional" college student, a polite euphemism for "unusually old." Spending a few years back at university in my 30s gave me an intimate look at what passes for education. I'll tell you this: millennials aren't dreaming up their ridiculous beliefs on their own. They're being taught this stuff, and they're being affirmed and praised when they regurgitate it properly. I've seen it up close.

He goes on:

Over the past thirty years conservatives were busy building an entire culture around anti-socialism while the Left was busy pushing its cultural trojan horse to unleash a whole different kind of plague. Maybe deep down many conservatives knew the anti-white damn would burst but they were too cowardly to confront it. Don't believe me? Railing against socialism won't get you fired from Google but notice the toxic way in which "diversity" is being used against white and you'll be untouchable. 

This is what bothers me about the alt-light, let alone boomers, on YouTube: your new video about how silly socialism is or how crazy feminists are is entirely missing the only point that currently matters, which is that white people are the singular target of the political left. Socialism, feminism, and Islam will be some of the various tunes the victors will dance to when it's finally time to frolic upon our graves. First thing's first, though: eradicate whites. That is the prime directive across the globe. Our own extinction has been sold to us using gentle terms like diversity and inclusion. We've been taught to find it lovable, to cock our heads to the side and say "aww" when a white mommy and black daddy coo at their mixed race toddler in a cereal commercial. We've even been trained to suppress our natural defensive instincts as racist, that most sinful of '-ists.

Don't expect the Japanese or Chinese to do anything but look in amazement and take notes as Ford F150 ten-gallon hat types indignantly yell "out of my cold dead hands!" meanwhile their grand daughter is likely to spend the same twilight years in a very dangerous world because her grandfather was too worried about his bumpstock or the return of Fidel Castro to take a stand against the toppling of his ancestors and the deracination of his heirs. 

There is only one issue left, and it's not the Second Amendment or abortion or the economy. It's the survival of the people whose ancestors built this country. A nation is a people, not an economic zone. America is Americans, and we can't make America great again if America doesn't exist.

Civic Nationalism Is Dying a Slow Painful Ugly Death

I'm back on Twitter and it's just embarrassing.

It's as if American "liberals" and "conservatives" are in a contest to see who can be more egalitarian and globalist -- in other words, more leftist -- and the conservatives are just determined to pull ahead. 

Candace Owens (the less said about her the better) has not mentioned the abject failure of #BLEXIT in her Twitter feed despite multiple tweets @ her showing that bar graph everyone has seen by now that breaks down votes per party by gender and race. Of course 90% of blacks voted Democrat. Of course in many races where the candidate was black they voted Democrat at 95% and up. Blacks and Hispanics vote by tribal affiliation. Whites are the only people who don't, at least not to that extent. If we were smart we would, but cold weather made us evolve big smart brains and come up with ideas like individualism and egalitarianism and now we can't help but fuck ourselves over. 

There is absolutely nothing we can do that is going to make black and Hispanic voters go to the polls and vote for ideas. It is simply not going to happen. And we can't win them over by being nice. This country cannot possibly give them anything more than we already have. The pandering is utterly futile and honest blacks just roll their eyes at #BLEXIT. 

I saw a Gavin McInnes video where he's talking to Alex Jones about what a huge awesome deal Blexit is, and he says something like, "Oh there were HUNDREDS of black people gathered there. It was huge!" Hundreds. I got embarrassed for him watching that video. I get embarrassed every time he talks about race because it's like he's forcing himself to be naive. He repeats the same tired talking points over and over -- I'm a libertarian so I don't have to think about race! I believe in a meritocracy -- and it reminds me of Stephen Colbert back when he was playing a cringey boomer on The Colbert Report saying, "I can't see race. I'm color blind." 

Deep down, I think the alt-lighters like Gavin and even some of the Boomers like James Woods see what's actually happening -- how could they not? bar graphs are super easy to read -- but they just can't let themselves swim out past where their feet can touch. It's too scary to dive into the deep end, and I get why. It's disconcerting and faintly awful to be called out as a racist. 

At first. Then you sort of get used to it. Then you sort of don't care. And then you decide that it's just a word, and it's a word that has purposely been imbued with power. All your life you've been conditioned to believe that word contains all the evil in the universe. And then you ask yourself why that is.

I would like things to be other than they are. I would enjoy joining hands with people of all colors and frolicking upon a hillside in the morning dew. But reality is reality, facts are facts, and there will never be a #BLEXIT from the Democrat party. The longer we wait to accept this, the closer we get to being a minority in the countries our forefathers built and died for.

In 10 years or so nationalism will be an extremely mainstream position for white people in America, and by then it will probably be late to affect any change democratically. Maybe not in 2020, but pretty damn soon, we will be unable to elect a Republican president because there won't be enough white people to vote Republican. Then we'll have to pull a #WHEXIT, and white people interested in taking the country back will have to split from the GOP and form a white identitarian party. By then the Deep South will be South Africa and the Southwest will be Mexico and white people will be cowering in Montana, Idaho, Utah, Kentucky, etc., stroking their AR-15s and wishing they had listened to those creepy "Nazis" instead of Laura Ingraham.

Lawd of tha Rangz: Amazon Studios Is Making Middle Earth Black

Today's proof of the utter decline of society is this bullshit:

I can't find the story someone posted on Twitter that confirmed Amazon is going forward with black elves and who knows what else but I would be shocked if they didn't kowtow to the left, who are determined to rewrite not only history but literature as well.

J.R.R. Tolkien's Legendarium was his mythology for Britain. That's Britain, as in the land settled and civilized by the Celtic, Viking, and Saxon people who were all -- sorry -- white as hell.

I've seen redditors arguing that Middle Earth was full of all different kinds of races but I don't believe for a second this decision is based on a burning desire to be faithful to Tolkien's vision. This is the attempted co-opting of one of the greatest literary works of the 20th century, and one that holds a special place in the heart of the people of Great Britain and her colonies, for the Great Cause of diversity merely for the sake of diversity and at any cost.

I can't wait to enjoy Mexican dwarves, African elves, a transgender Galadriel, Muslim Aragorn, and of course cis hetero white male Orcs. If Sauron doesn't have Trump hair I will be seriously disappointed.

On the Role of Women

My husband and I have been discussing where we intend to move, because the American south, from which we both hail, is right out. There are pockets of peace here and there, but in 25 years the Deep South will be South Africa and the Southwest will be Mexico.

We've been asking ourselves where we can go that our daughter will not have to flee by the time she is graduating college. I don't want her to have to do what we're doing: leave behind the place where she grew up, the family she loves, the life she thought she'd have. It disgusts me leaving my mother in particular, but I have to do what's right for my child. This decision -- to leave our homes -- is a tragic one and it breaks our hearts. It is one tiny example of the suffering caused by opening our country's borders to the third world.

When I waver in our decision to leave here, all I have to do is go down the street to the grocery store. In the suburb we live in, we are already a minority. If you look up this city's demographics, non-Hispanic whites (this phrase makes me cock my head to the side in wonderment like a spaniel) are 41% of the population. Blacks are 20% and the rest are Hispanic.

When I drive down the street to the grocery store I see ugliness, decay, squalor. When I walk around the grocery store I see unwelcome strangers.

So many of the people around me -- including members of my own family -- live with their heads in the sand. If you point out how the area has changed, they get nervous. I'm venturing dangerously close to that unsavory racist talk that got me doxxed and forced them to have embarrassing conversations with friends about why their relative was in the news for being a Nazi. A few of them get it, though. My mom told me today, "I'm angry all the time and I can't figure out why." I told her, "Maybe it's because you're surrounded by people who aren't your people, and nobody asked you if that would be okay."

My dad totally gets it. When I was a kid I thought he was a terrible racist. Of course now I know he was just ahead of his time.

As we contemplate this move, and as I dread leaving my mother, I think about the mistakes she made and what I intend to do differently. She made the horrific mistake of leaving and divorcing my father. She was very young at the time, about 22, and he was 24. Their problems could likely have been overcome, and I think she grew to understand this and regret her decision as she got older.

My husband and I are much, much older than they were, and our problems are graver, but divorce is not and never will be an option for us. He's been divorced twice, and I've been victimized by my mother's divorces multiple times. It is not a punishment I would ever inflict on my child.

Because my mother made the dreadful mistake of becoming a single mom, she put herself in a position to be a material mother -- that is, a mother who only has the time, energy, and money to see to her children's material needs, and is utterly unequipped and unable to see to their spiritual and often emotional needs. My mom was and is very loving, very well-meaning, with all four of her kids. But we never received any guidance from her. I didn't learn how to, for example, prepare for college, break up with someone, balance a checkbook, cope with loss, understand sex, think about religion, check my credit score. I had Hot Pockets to eat, a ride to school, clothes when I needed them, a TV to watch.

I want to give my daughter what I missed: a worldview. A framework to think about what she sees every day. I believe that is the role of women: to train up our children in the way they should go. Of course, I see nothing wrong with women entering the public sphere to, for example, get on YouTube and share their ideas about the movement. But I think most of what they may have to say that is useful will have to do with the domestic sphere. That is our humble but gigantic role: to raise strong, wise, capable children who understand something of how the world works. It is up to us to protect them from the abject lies they would be taught in American public schools, to introduce them to a faith community and make it a part of their lives, to join them to a tribe of like-minded people, to expose them to the natural world, to make sure they are healthy and vigorous, to teach them history and philosophy and art and literature and science. Children, the home, wifehood -- these are our domains, and they are great spiritual responsibilities that will and should occupy much of our minds and hearts, let alone our time.

I want my daughter's childhood to be beautiful and peaceful. I want her to grow up with people who are her people, with whom she feels familiar and safe.

We are looking at Appalachia. Due to the nature of my husband's work, our livelihood will not depend on the local economy. We can live anywhere. That area has an abundance of cheap, beautiful, wooded land. ("Buy land. They're not making it anymore." - Mark Twain) Much of it is a majority white area, and we like the idea of having, for a change, four seasons with a mild summer and snowy winter.

I don't know for sure where we will end up, but in the coming months we will be researching, and then visiting, a number of places to try to find something like the country our parents grew up in. Meanwhile I look at my baby girl and just pray.

A Woman's Function

I really want to write tonight, but I have a small baby, which means I haven't had a decent night's sleep in literally months. I've hit a wall tonight, so instead of blogging I'm just going to leave this image and this quote, mainly as a reminder to myself.

Alt-Right: What the Hell Is It?

I'll do a blog post or perhaps a video on this soon, but I got doxxed back in April. Basically, I was posting some fairly edgy stuff on my Facebook page and on Twitter, but no one really cared because I was just some rando. Then a former associate of my mind decided to comb through my social media accounts and compile a curated a selection of my most "racist" tweets, posts, and comments, and post them to the public Facebook page of her (formerly our) non-profit organization, which has tens of thousands of followers. Her rationale was that she felt it was her duty to let everybody know I was now a Big Racist and disavow me in case anyone saw my stuff and thought I was still affiliated with her group.

Of course, no one had seen my stuff, and everyone knew I wasn't affiliated with the group for well over a year. But now the whole damn world was seeing my stuff, and after I was a headline on HuffPo, the Independent UK, and more, I was once again being mentioned in the same breath as her group. All the sudden, though I had left the prolife movement for many months, I was an "anti-abortion leader" again, simply because it was harmful to the prolife movement for me to be associated with it.

At first, I didn't really take the doxing seriously. I had blocked this woman long before, but people were sending me screen shots of her post and the SJW comments on it. I wasn't too concerned, found the whole thing absurd, and decided to just lean into it. So I posted on Facebook that I found myself sympathizing with the alt-right more and more, that I considered myself a "race realist," and that I didn't hate anyone or wish harm on anyone but that I felt every nation had a right to its identity and the preservation of its culture. Something along those lines.

What was the one word bloggers and journalists picked out of that paragraph? You guessed it: "alt-right."

If I had to go back and do it all over, that's the one word I'd change. I probably still would have been excoriated, but I was naive to use it. I had been reading tons of stuff and watching loads of videos and I was seeing the alt-right as an intellectual movement, but the average person reading that word just saw torches at Charlottesville, a woman getting killed by an angry "Nazi" and his car, Richard Spencer getting sucker punched on Inauguration Day, etc. 

I've since come to believe the term "alt-right" has been pretty well corrupted by outfits like The Right Stuff, Daily Shoah, and Daily Stormer. Many of these people are unironic Hitler-lovers who sincerely advocate for genocide, and I don't think I'm alone when I say I don't want to share a label with them. I am a Christian first and everything else second. I don't know what the answer is to the current crisis, either at home or abroad, but if it involves mass murder I'd rather go instinct. If the survival of the white race depends on throwing women and babies into a gas chamber, then I guess I will just have to hope there are no no-go zones in Heaven. Where any political movement or ideology departs from Christianity, there I depart from it. 

It seems that after Charlottesville there was a major splintering, and while some still use the term alt-right, many are now relying on far right, dissident right, radical right, ethnonationalist, or just nationalist. I would love to see more cohesion, but maybe it's impossible. As an outsider looking in, it seems like the movement got so visible so quickly that perhaps mistakes were made in strategy, optics, and leadership. 

That's enough armchair quarterbacking. I guess I just wanted to write down somewhere that when I called myself alt-right, I didn't mean to align myself with the Stormer types. This crisis will not have a peaceful end. I doubt the problem is going to fix itself, that we will all suddenly decide to sing Kumbaya and peacefully segregate, that the migrant hordes of Europe will come to their limited senses and queue for boats back to their shitholes, that the 40 million Mexicans in the US will suddenly miss getting diarrhea from tap water and haul ass for the Rio Grande. If anything is going to change, it will be the result of some kind of physical conflict, I'm afraid. There is no way around it. But acknowledging the inevitability of war and calling for violent ethnic cleansing are very different. Deportation is one thing, genocide is quite another, and I am not -- nor will I ever be -- on board with the latter. 

Humility, Honesty

I'm not a philosopher, a scholar, or an intellectual. This blog is only useful insofar as it is instructive to observe the details of a regular person trying to think through vitally important issues. I've often wished I could find a blog like that: not a great big genius lecturing about things but someone trying to figure out the same things I'm trying to figure out. If you're trying to figure out race realism, the far right, traditionalism, monarchism, orthodox Christianity, and any topics related to these, perhaps this blog will be of help to you.

I'm vowing here and now to be completely honest. Brutally so. I don't have anything to hide. Every embarrassing belief I've ever held will be laid bare for examination. It will keep me humble, and who doesn't need that.

Like many on the far right I arrived here after walking a long path from a sort of default public-school leftism. If you go to public school in a major American city, and you don't have a strong right-wing counterinfluence in the home, you will graduate a default leftist.

Becoming pro-life very suddenly (and against my will) in my late 20s was the fulcrum, the point at which I pivoted out of leftism. The feeling of being wrong about something, of discovering that I wasn't merely thinking about something wrong but that I held a belief without ever thinking about it at all -- discovering that was exhilarating. It was also terrifying. Humbling. It led to a somewhat traumatic identity crisis, but I also wanted more of it. I couldn't help but examine all my beliefs to see if I was wrong about them, and lo and behold I was.

A year later I wasn't an agnostic anymore, but a Roman Catholic. And a few years after that Obamacare happened and I watched it go down and then I couldn't be a Democrat anymore. And then I started flirting with the idea of being a conservative. It had always been a dirty word to me, synonymous with mean white men and dumb housewives and country music singers and just everything distasteful. Flirting with it was scary but fun. I read Ann Coulter first. I forget why. Maybe because, having read not a single word she'd ever written, I loathed her completely when I was a leftist. I'm glad I picked her to begin with. because she was funny and logical and unapologetic and mean. I loved her style. She hooked me in. Eventually I familiarized myself with the typical neo-con talking points and read a lot of their books: Shapiro, D'Souza, Ponnuru, Limbaugh. Some of them were too cheesy Boomer-clueless for me (Hannity, Ingraham, Levin). Some of those early encounters I still think have kernels of truth in them. I'm thinking in particular of David Mamet's quite astonishing book The Secret Knowledge: On the Dismantling of American Culture.

So I was a neocon for a while. I still called myself a feminist, but I considered myself a dissident feminist who was going to save feminism from itself, make it virtuous and moral. It's laughable now, but to be fair this was in 2010 and it sounds funny but that was a lifetime ago when it comes to the dominant culture in this country. My friend and I actually filmed a comedy sketch on YouTube in which we wore blackface (really well I might add; we looked and sounded black; the makeup took 3 hours to apply) and I shared it on Facebook in 2008 and people laughed. No one reported me. I didn't get banned from anything. It only got shared by a few people who thought it was funny. Granted, I was not yet a fairly well-known activist, but it truly was a different time.

Like many people do, I moved on to libertarianism and then to anarchism and there I dwelt for some time. Maybe a couple years? I read the Austrian economists and watched a lot of Stefan Molyneux videos from back when he was still a hard core anarchist. He has since changed his tune on a lot of things. ("There are no libertarians in foxholes." -- Milo) I consumed more than my fair share of Reason and Taki Mag articles. I had a lot of quibbles with libertarianism and anarchism and in time they grew too big to ignore. The main one was immigration. At my state libertarian convention (sooo many speeches about pot) there was a speaker who posited that immigration was actually a net positive for the country by any metric -- "It's a free market in labor!" -- and I stood up to challenge her. She promised to send me some references but of course she didn't.

Over time I read too much Chesterton and began exploring the concept of monarchy. This was also exhilarating to contemplate because I'm an American and we are indoctrinated to believe monarchy is synonymous with tyranny. Exploring monarchy led me inevitably to the Dark Enlightenment, Mencius Moldbug, Nick Land, and other neoreactionary thinkers. According to an infographic I've seen, most people touch down at the radical right before they move to traditionalism as their final destination but for me it was sort of the opposite. I do think the alt-right, or perhaps to be more specific race realism, goes hand in hand with traditionalism and neoreaction. I have much more to say on this topic but that's good enough for now.

Over time I have changed my mind about a good number of things but it wasn't so much flip-flopping as just continuing to learn. My trajectory has always been further right, because I have always been after the truth. There's a theory of personality called the Enneagram and like most personality theories it's most likely bollocks but according to my test results my type is called "The Truth Teller," and when I read that descriptor it felt alarmingly accurate. I say things that are true, or that I believe are true, and it has gotten me into serious trouble. I mean, it's why I'm here blogging anonymously at no one, gone from social media and contemplating moving to another state and changing my name so my kids can have a normal life. I don't know how to not say things that are true. Sometimes it hurts my personal relationships as well. I can be too blunt, too harsh, too critical.

So that is the one thing I can promise anyone who reads this: I won't lie. I won't make shit up. And because of that I'll routinely look like a fool and remain humble.

Alt-Light, Proud Boys, & the Truth

The Proud Boys have been banned from Facebook. Last time I checked, they were tripping over themselves to condemn white nationalism and identitarian politics whenever they got the chance, but they have a habit of beating the shit out of leftists in real life, so I guess that's made them plenty of enemies.

I'm grateful to the alt-light for leading me to the identitarian movement. But in my opinion, despite my affection for figures like Gavin McInnes and Milo, their function as a gateway drug to white identitarianism is the extent of their usefulness. By usefulness, I don’t mean to imply it’s all they’re good for. They do a lot of good in the sense of drawing people’s attention to the decline of society, the migrant crisis in Europe, and more. But I don’t think just drawing attention is particularly useful because they don’t seem to have an answer to how to stop this. Of course identifying as Europeans and moving to secure our nations is the answer, but this is anathema to them.

It’s important here, I think, to point out that contrary to what was written about me in HuffPo, I was not converted to the far right by Trump. I was converted by the hysterical reaction to Trump on behalf of the left.

I actually sat out the 2016 election, for a host of complicated reasons. I was going through a libertarian phase, and the prolife group of which I had been vice president for several years was moving further left. I felt powerless to stop it -- that's a whole other blog post -- and I was steeped in a faction of the pro-life movement that seemed more concerned with leftist pursuits like smashing the patriarchy and creating "racial justice" -- whatever that is -- than actually ending abortion.

Personally, I was beginning my fourth year of infertility. In case you don't know, that's a dark place. I didn't have the mental or emotional energy to do what I really needed to do, which was thoroughly examine the causes I was espousing to make sure they aligned with my principles. There's no excuse, though. I should have faced my doubt and confusion and reached these conclusions then. Instead, faced with an election cycle that I knew was going to force me into a crisis, I tucked tail and fled. I knew I would have to examine why I still called myself a feminist and a libertarian when I was disgusted by almost every feminist and libertarian I talked to. So I retreated, leaving my cognitive dissonance where it was.

This was a big deal, because I was (and am) a culture junkie. I read and wrote about politics and cultural and social issues constantly. Leaving the Internet was no small thing.

I am not proud of the decision to sit out the election cycle, but I can't bring myself to regret it because it gave me the unique opportunity to see SJWs in a stark and revealing light. Here's what happened: the morning after the election I woke up from a literal nightmare about President Hillary. I had fallen asleep on the couch, and I felt disoriented and depressed because I absolutely knew in my heart of hearts that Hillary had won. It was still dark out, but I couldn't go back to sleep. So I sighed, grabbed my Kindle, and went to the bathroom. There I am peeing in the dark, breaking a months-long digital fast to find out who the president is. I took a deep breath and wondered which website to visit. It had been so long that I didn't even remember where to get news. Drudge popped into my head, so I typed in Drudge Report.

And suddenly there it was: hope, backlit on my screen.

Trump was president.

Relief.

I ran upstairs and my husband was sitting up in bed holding his phone. We just looked at each other and smiled.

I got on YouTube, and that's when I realized what Trump and his voters had been up against. The reaction to his election was pure lunacy. Imagine you literally hadn't been online at all for 7 or 8 months, and then all the sudden you logged on the day after the election. I started trying to figure out what was so horrible about Trump, so I started with the "pussy grabbing" audio. It was utterly underwhelming. After a while I gave up trying to understand what all these morons were whining about and just watched Stefan Molyneux's videos where he debunked very charge brought against Trump.

Basically I realized very quickly that in my digital absence, half the country had gone completely batshit.

Right away, I dove back in to consuming massive amounts of cultural and political commentary. I caught up on months of Milo, Ann Coulter, Ben Shapiro, Gavin McInnes, Lauren Southern, and good ol' Stefan. I discovered the YouTube skeptics community, users like Bearing, Blaire White, computing4ever, and more. For a year or so I was having a great time, despite Shapiro's annoying anti-Trumpism, Milo's annoying narcissism, Gavin's annoying horniness, and Ann's annoying... actually nothing. She's perfect.

But it got old. How many "rekt feminist" videos can you watch? How many anti-Islam anti-SJW anti-neo-con videos can you watch? How many libertarian talking points can you hear?

Eventually I started to wonder what these people were doing besides bitching. I noticed that many of them would make super edgy statements -- direct quote from Gavin: "Mexico sucks because of Mexicans." -- only to then trip over each other condemning identitarian politics. For a while I was buying the civic nationalist thing, but then I accidentally watched a video by a user called Way of the World. I don't remember any details about the video, only that it went to the next level. Way of the World didn't condemn identitarianism; on the contrary, he made a brief but potent case that it was the only way Europe and her colonies would survive.

You know the truth when you hear it. There is something in the human heart that is pulled toward it, and responds.

I live in a place that has become more and more Hispanic during my lifetime, to the point that I don't recognize the city where I grew up. The neighborhoods where I spent my childhood look like another country, and the neighborhoods I can afford to live in look and feel like the Third World.

By the time I discovered the videos of Millennial Woes, I had already been booted from the afore-mentioned prolife group for writing about my experience living on a block that was about 95% illegal immigrant. Steve Sailer said political correctness is a war on noticing. I was not allowed to describe the situation in which I spent my life, the litter on my front lawn, the Tejano music pounding through my walls, the language spoken on my street. I was condemned by women who live in majority white neighborhoods, called a racist and accused of hating children and poor people. (Meanwhile, I was poor people.)

Woes' videos walked me out past the point where I could touch the bottom of the pool. I held on and didn't panic and started swimming. I am no longer scared of words like nationalist, identitarian, and that scariest word of all: white.

I tentatively began watching American Renaissance videos. I started watching and reading the work of Jared Taylor, John Derbyshire, Vox Day, Richard Spencer, RamZPaul, Jim Goad, and many more. Occasionally I would (and do) vehemently disagree with these people on certain issues -- abortion and religion most of all -- but their overarching theses had the clear, pure ring of truth. The West is in decline. Europe is being invaded. The native people of Europe are being systematically destroyed. The America founded and built by our ancestors, if we do not take immediate and drastic action, is doomed.

The problem with the alt-light is in order to save their own asses and preserve their fame and their income streams, they repeatedly condemn those further to their right. Now, there are plenty of people on the far right that are totally condemnable, and I have no problem if someone wants to name names and call out undesirables who have made the term "alt-right" synonymous -- to some people -- with embarrassing Nazi LARPers and psychopaths who call for the mass extermination of entire peoples. If you sincerely and literally believe in rounding up and gassing all the Jews, you are the reason why we can't have nice things.

What I do have a problem with is the blanket condemnation of identitarianism, because identitarianism is literally the only hope white people have left. It does not require any hatefulness whatsoever to want your race to continue to exist upon the earth, and there is nothing remotely ugly or wrong about it.

In a sense I understand why they do it. Look what happened to Faith Goldy. Hell, look what happened to me and I was not even remotely famous. I understand they are big names with a lot to lose. But is this about them and their YouTube channel and their fame and their money or is this about the future of the West?

When I was active in the prolife movement, I used to observe the big name activists, the "prolife leaders" who were "prolife famous" and ran big non-profits and went on Fox News all the time, and I would wonder if part of them would be a little disappointed if abortion ended. They'd have to stop being famous activists and go get real jobs.

A dying Europe and America full of foreigners and feminists and trannies is eternal fodder for videos. so what does it matter to the alt-light if the white race dies, as long as their channels stay monetized?

Look, I know some of them have incurred personal risk and suffered loss and gone out on a limb in certain ways. But until they admit what I suspect they secretly know in their heart of hearts -- that identitarianism is the only hope of the Western world -- I will have no choice but to doubt their motives, their usefulness, and their commitment to the truth.

Hello Again

A few days ago I needed a picture of myself for a gig and I didn't have one, so I googled myself, and what I saw sent me into a deep depression for a couple of days.

I had avoided searching my own name since the events of last April, and I was pretty shocked at what I saw.

After I got over the anger and sadness, I felt sort of liberated. My name is "ruined." I am a famous Internet Nazi, so I no longer have to hide, at least online. I have made this blog anonymous, but barely, and eventually I will probably name names and go into detail in this blog that will "out" me. It doesn't matter, does it? When you google me, there it is: "white nationalist." The only thing that would make it worse is footage of me goose-stepping into Poland.

Real life is a different story. We are moving out of state soon, and once I'm among new people who don't know me, I'll go by a different name. In a few years when my children are old enough to make friends, the last thing I need is some curious parent googling me and ruining my children's lives as well. They shouldn't suffer for my decisions.

The main thing I want to say about the events of April is this: I do not apologize. If you came here hoping for an apology, I hope you feel horribly disappointed.

Despite the headlines, I don't really consider myself a "white nationalist." And I told the journalist that. She ignored it because like most journalists she is a dishonest thug. But I think "white nationalist" is narrow. White people don't have some exclusive right to a homeland. All people deserve a homeland, and white people shouldn't be an exception.

As for the unsavory tweets everyone had hysterics about: get over yourself. It's called gallows humor. I know for a fact that behind the scenes of the prolife movement there are people making dead baby jokes and rape baby jokes. It doesn't make them monsters. When you think about something horrible day in and day out, you have to make jokes about it or you'll go insane.

I don't hate any race. I don't particularly care about race mixing. I don't want to murder your mixed race baby. I don't like Hitler. I am not a Nazi. (Pretty sure the only actual Nazis left are like 94 and live in Argentina.) I don't believe in slavery, Jew-gassing, genocide, or coercive eugenics. I have no swastika tattoos.

I am not an intellectual. If you're looking for a High Priestess of the Alt-Right, you've come to the wrong place. I am, as always, a seeker. I care about the truth. I mess up all the time. I've changed my mind about important things. With this exception: despite what you've been told, I have always moved right. Ever since I began this journey back in 2006, I have moved right consistently. What "right" meant was not always clear, however, hence the two years I spent as a confused libertarian.

I am just a person who believes that it's okay for Japan to be Japanese, and it's okay for India to be Indian, and it's okay for France to be French, and it's okay for America to be American. It's not only okay. It's good. It's proper. I believe "American" means something more than "my feet are now touching American soil." A nation is not just some dirt. It is a people. It comes from the Latin natio, meaning birth. A nation is a people, and for most of our history the people of this nation were mostly English and Dutch. (According to my DNA results, wouldn't you know it, I am 51% English or Irish or Scottish, and 20% Dutch.) Then in 1965 Congress decided on our behalf that we needed some other races in here, for complicated reasons I may go into in another post.

Here's a thing: before 1965, the largest movement of human beings occurred when India and Pakistan split into separate nations, and 14 million people crossed over national borders. Since 1965, 130 million people that we know of have emigrated to the United States. According to military historian Dr. Martin van Creveld that is the largest movement of peoples ever recorded. He also notes that massive migrations are, without exception, accompanied by war, either before or after the event, but usually both.

If it makes me a vile racist to have a problem with that, then I guess I am a vile racist? But what I think it actually makes me is a regular old person. I don't hate anyone on earth. But I love my people. And despite what weirdos like Jordan Peterson might tell you, there is not only nothing wrong with feeling racial affinity, it is wholesome and good. We love it when black people love being black. Nobody gets butt-hurt when a Mexican yells "Viva la raza!" But when white people say they like being white, feel good about their race, or even posit that maybe "it's ok to be white," it literally becomes a national headline.

The truth is, She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named handed journalists at HuffPo and elsewhere a double whammy on a silver platter when she doxxed me: they got to discredit the prolife movement and catch a real-live Nazi. And as we all know, Nazi-catching is now the primary business of journalists.

I have more to say. Much more. But I'll leave it at this for now: if you are sympathizing with any of what I'm saying, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Much to fear, unfortunately, but nothing to be ashamed of. Caring about your nation and your people is not hatred. It is wholesome and good and natural. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, because they're lying.